But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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