drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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