the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
