if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
