I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
