I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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