I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
