I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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