roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
