I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do vagina's smell?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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