Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
