I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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