For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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