He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize