They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
