me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
