We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
