i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
