I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
