I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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