So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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