Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
