i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
