You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
