dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
