so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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