Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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