I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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