do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
