You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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