She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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