I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
