I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
