I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
