this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
