it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
