Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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