you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
