Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
