I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
did you just send me my own nude
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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