When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize