the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
