I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
