I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
