I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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