is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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