A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
