i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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