i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My cat gives me a boner
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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