Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
