I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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