Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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