My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
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If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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