Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
