you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
