3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
