i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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