Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
