so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
