I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
