i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
