quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
