i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
