I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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