i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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