when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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