He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
