he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
