You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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