I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
