But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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