Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
